Thank the Lord for 4x4 cars

I don't know where I would have been this week, if I hadn't had access to my 4x4. Probably stuck in a ditch somewhere. With British councils spending untold billions on cultural awareness programmes, translating road signs into Bengali, and pumping up their exorbitant pensions, little was left over for road grit or road salt.

So when they predictably ran out, 2-wheel drive cars were virtually incapable of getting through my part of Oxfordshire, for hours or even days at a time.

Fortunately, I was able to give lots of children lifts to schools, get the food shopping in, attend a couple of crucial business meetings, and various other paraphernalia generally known as life. And all because of a 4x4. Marvellous.

Just for the record, I won't bang on about how useless British councils are, because it is axiomatic that all socialist organisations are useless.

But if any ecomentalists are out there who benefited from the use of someone else's 4x4 this week, especially if it was something really important such as a hospital appointment which was only left uncancelled because their consultant had a 4x4, I would like them to say after me:

"Anthropogenic global warming is complete nonsense and even if it wasn't, Thank God for 4x4 cars to help us cope with ongoing government failure"

Fat chance, obviously. But it's the thought that counts.

No doubt the lunatics will be out again in the Spring berating people at the road side for daring to have safe and dependable transport.

I do wish they would all go and live in Sweden, where of course, 4-wheel drive cars are often a year-round necessity.