Shock news just in: British police caught using taxpayers' money to tell lies

Speaking of the British police, both of our loyal readers may remember this article we wrote before Christmas:

=> General Election due in the UK soon, shock

This detailed the rapidly growing expenditure of taxpayers' money on pre-election propaganda on behalf of the Labour Party, to prove that all of our money that it has wasted in the last 13 years on paying bloated legions of government criminal-class Mafia parasites to sit in offices surfing the Internet all day, for huge bloated salaries, has actually benefited the rest of us in some actual tangible way - beyond lightening our wallets to enable us to walk faster.

Specifically, this propaganda claimed that British police spend 80% of their time 'on the beat'.

Unfortunately, the British government have told so many lies in the last 13 years that absolutely nobody believed a word of it, so they wasted even more money spewing out this garbage from the Ministry of Truth's "Home Office" - the days have long gone when the gullible British public would believe someone just because he was a government employee.

Anyhow, I raised a challenge with the Henley police that it would take me at least three days to see a police office in the flesh, despite regularly walking around the centre of Henley. That was on December the 15th.

Well, yesterday, the 13th of January, nearly a whole month later, I finally saw one stepping gingerly through the snow. Yes, she was between a sandwich shop and the police station, so I'm guessing, quite randomly, that she was just getting lunch in.

But even without quibbling, that's still 29 days for a taxpayer to 'catch' a British police officer 'on the beat'. You wonder what they're doing with the other 20% of their time? It can't be much.

But Mister Maturin, I hear both of you retort, surely you cannot base an entire philosophy of antipathy towards the tax-wasting liars in the British police on something so apocryphal and so anecdotal?

Well, no.

Actually, The Sunday Times caught them out lying too:

=> Ministers ratchet up spending on ‘good news’

Apparently, one Ministry of Truth employee admitted that it's not 80% of their time that British police spend 'on the beat', as they pledged in their advert below, but more like 13.6% of their time.

Again, let us not quibble about what constitutes being 'on the beat'. Most British people, if asked, would say that this means physically walking or perhaps cycling on the street. The British police will probably define it as 'not being inside a police station', so cooping yourself up in a warm cozy car listening to your iPod player or attending a 'diversity awareness seminar' probably counts towards the miserable 13.6%. But even so, to claim a figure of 80%, when by even your own feeble guideline definitions it is only 13.6%, is a whopper even Don Corleone would have been proud of.

Now if I were to tell a policeman a lie like this - "I was doing 13.6 miles per hour, officer, not the 80 miles per hour that you claim" - then I would be banged up in one of their filthy gaols.

What consequences will the British police face for being caught out telling such a bare-faced lie, at such expense, to the rest of us?

To ask the question is to know the answer.