The Triumph of Bonson Jorris

With Bonson Jorris being elected Mayor of London, which is pretty much a watershed moment for the UK Tory party, I thought now might be a good time to review the political scene in England, via a Fisk of the Torygraph's main article on his victory. (Incidentally, the above photograph was taken several years ago, when Bonson won his candidate election at Benson, in southern Oxfordshire, to go forward for the Henley parliamentary constituency. Why have I used this picture instead of one of the other far more amusing pictures of my soon-to-be-late MP? Because if you look very carefully - and I'm not telling you where - you can see a certain Jack Maturin, or at least a portion of his body, in the said photograph, in Maturin's former days as a stalwart door-knocking Tory. Ah, those were the days...before the good Professor Hoppe interfered with my beliefs in democracy! If I were also to tell you that I was the first person to shake Bonson's hand as he came of the stage that night, that might reveal even more to you about my personal interest in the man's career, however, I digress...)

Boris Johnson is the new London Mayor

Boris Johnson claimed a remarkable victory in the London mayoral contest on Friday night to cap a disastrous series of results for Gordon Brown in his first electoral test as Prime Minister.

As we said a few days ago, Gordon Brown is a dead man walking. Being the political man he is, down to his fingertips, he will know this too. However, the arrogance and the hubris of all politicians will cause him to make the fatal mistake of carrying on. They all think they're special and that the rules don't apply to them. As the most pompous man in England, expect Gordon Brown to continue until he is dragged out of 10 Downing Street, kicking and screaming, just as Blair was, when dragged out by Brown himself. By God, it's a rum business, politics. They really do all deserve each other.

The Conservative candidate's win over Ken Livingstone followed a calamitous showing for Labour at the local elections - the party's worst performance at the polls for 40 years.

Ah, never glad confident May 1997 morning again! It couldn't have happened to a more unpleasant bunch of lizards.

Mr Johnson's landmark victory, a result that would have been almost unthinkable six months ago, was the most symbolic blow to Mr Brown's authority on a day that left the Prime Minister facing the gravest crisis of his leadership.

Bonson winning is the nail in the coffin of Gordon Brown's tenure as UK prime minister. If Livingstone had hung on, Brown would have been cock-a-hoop. However, for the bought-and-paid-for bus driving population of London to kick out their own welfare champion is remarkable. Ink in a Tory election victory in 2010, so long as Brown remains. You will also witness an equally remarkable turnaround in the attitude of the UK press towards the Tory party, even possibly including the BBC. The Westminster village community knows where its bread is buttered, and this comes in the form of getting juicy news scoops from government departments. So if you want those future scoops (and licence fee increases), after seeing Bonson winning you will know what you have to do; start crawling to the future dispensers. Start doing it now.

By taking City Hall, Mr Johnson becomes the first Tory politician to hold a senior role in British politics since the party was swept out of power in 1997. His win provided a significant boost to David Cameron's bid for victory at the next general election.

As earlier, take it for granted. Unless Brown is replaced by Milliband, the only question now is the size of the majority.

In the local elections, Labour lost more than 300 councillors and slumped to a humiliating third place behind the Liberal Democrats in the share of the vote – a full 20 points behind Mr Cameron's Conservatives.

This means we might actually get to see Milliband heading up the socialist crime commission. Many back-bench Labour MPs, who see a future ahead of them of actually having to work for a living if they lose their incumbent seats, will have now lost their fear of Gordon Brown. The knives will be out. Will they plunge them in, though? There is a strong tribalist tendency in the primitive emotion base of the Labour Party, and the taboo of slaughtering the leader may prove too much. However, once one knife goes in, expect a hundred more. It will be a frenzy. If Brown loses his bill to lock innocent people up for 42 days on the whim of a Stasi officer, I predict that is when the frenzy will start.

The results represented a significant breakthrough for Mr Cameron and were the best the Tories have recorded at the polls since John Major won the 1992 general election. If translated to a General Election, it would see the Tories with a Commons majority of more than 100.

Does it really make any difference? There aren't going to be any tax cuts and the country is ruled from Brussels anyway. However, I will welcome it if I am proved wrong. I want tax cuts, the abandonment of ID cards (as promoted by Bonson), and the rejection of the EU constitution (sorry, ratification treaty). Will we get any of this? Well, this is where Bonson might come in. He now holds a lot of power in the Tory party, and he could start pushing them in the right direction. Will he? I doubt it. Once in office, the trappings of power almost always become too tempting to abuse. "Political Reality" also generally bites, and that means the endless pleasing of pressure groups, who are generally pleased by other people being robbed on their behalf. Don't hold your breath.

As one Labour backbencher gave Mr Brown six months to reverse the party's slide or resign, comparisons were made between his Premiership and the dying days of John Major's tenure.

That sounds about right. Oh how I will weep on the day when Brown leaves England. With tears of joy.

The Tories predicted the results marked the beginning of the end of Labour's three terms in Government. On a night of unremittingly bad news for Mr Brown's administration:

• The Conservatives took a 44 per cent share of the national vote, the Liberal Democrats 25 per cent and Labour just 24 per cent;
• Labour lost 331 council seats – far beyond even their worst predictions – while the Tories won 256;

What the Tories are forgetting here is that we are living in much more politically volatile times than we have ever lived in before. All the rules have changed and nobody now believes anything any politician says (which is an excellent development). People are also switching political allegiance much more easily than they ever did in the past. One wrong policy on the 10p tax rate, and millions now vote Tory rather than Labour. One Tory MP caught in bed with a horse, and millions will switch back to Labour. The Tories will win the next election easily only if Gordon Brown remains in office. But those back-bencher Labour MPs aren't going to give up their endless days of Chardonnay and free lunches so easily. Expect Milliband in by Christmas. Then we will have a real contest on our hands, with one smoothie up against another smoothie. Cameron must therefore be praying that Brown hangs on. Some might even say, if they were being scurrilous, that it would be in Cameron's interest to cut Brown some slack over the next few months, to help him hang on until it gets too late to replace him. Obviously, I couldn't possibly comment on such shocking rumours.

The Tories made key breakthroughs in the North while Labour was wiped out in the South.

The parasites have killed the host. Now the parasites are also beginning to feel the pinch.

A buoyant Mr Cameron hailed the results as a "very big moment" for the Conservatives, with party strategists likening it to Tony Blair's success in the 1995 local elections, which preceded Labour's landslide election victory two years later.

So come on then David, where are the tax cuts? Where are the regulation cuts? Where are the ID card abandonment plans? Where are the EU severance plans? Just what is the point of you? It is now time for you to start telling us what difference it would make if you were in power. I want less to be stolen from me and I want less intrusion in my life. The more of this, the better. So what are you going to do? The problem for Cameron, of course, is that now he is seen as the next prime minister, he is going to have to start answering questions instead of asking them. Is he up to it? Obviously, as a Hoppeian myself, I know the whole business is ultimately a long-term sham, but I'll take tax and regulation cuts where I can get them in this short-term life. If Cameron remains incapable of delivering them, he will deserve the opprobrium he gets.

"I think these results are not just a vote against Gordon Brown and his government," said Mr Cameron, "I think they are a vote of positive confidence in the Conservative Party.

Well, no. Brown is hated and the Tories aren't hated quite so much as they used to be. That's it. I wouldn't go bandying around words such as "confidence". Tell us something first. Give us something to be confident about. Try these for size: "I will abolish inheritance tax. I will abolish capital gains tax. I will abolish stamp duty tax for both housing and investments. I will abolish corporation tax. I will abolish all forms of taxes on pensions. I will abolish any form of tax on investment interest." OK, let me make this easy for you. Pick three of the above from six. I dare you. I double dare you. With a cherry on top.

"This is a very big moment for the Conservative Party. I don't want any one to think we would deserve to win an election just on the back of a failing government. I want us to really prove to people that we can make the changes that they want to see."

You can virtually always tell what a politician is thinking by examining their negative statements. It's very difficult for the unconscious mind to process negatives and such phrases are almost always windows into the minds of people such as David Cameron. So when he says, "I don't want any one to think we would deserve to win an election just on the back of a failing government," you know that this is exactly what he is thinking. Come on David, try harder please.

George Osborne, the shadow chancellor, said the results were a "very, very good springboard". By 10pm Mr Johnson appeared well on course for victory but he did not manage it on the first preference vote when the result came at midnight.

So it would seem Ken ...errr..., you know, what's his name, Ken ...errr..., Stanley, sorry, Livingbone, anyhow, you know the bloke, managed to make it to the second round. Well done, Ken. It only cost the rest of us billions in stolen pelf handed to all of your client voters in London, but at least it shows they cared.

He was short of the required 50 per cent share, but after the second preference votes were added he was declared winner by 1,168,738 to 1,028,966.

BTW, don't expect Ken to disappear. This odious snake, "liked by everyone but those who know him", in the immortal words of Neil Kinnock, still harbours the ambition of becoming the Labour party's next leader. He won't get it, because Milliband will, but expect him to try, perhaps by helping Brown hang on until Ken can get another parliamentary seat. What else is he going to do? Work for a living? There are far too many attractive political underlings around in need of getting pregnant for that almighty calamity to happen.

Downing Street attempted to blame its catastrophic losses on the economic downturn.

I'm sorry, did I miss something here? Didn't Gordon Brown once claim to have abolished "Boom and Bust"? Surely the Great Decider is not implying that "Bust" is back again? Crikey. Well, if you will go setting yourself up as Lord God Almighty, holding back the waves, expect to eventually get your knees wet. Ho hum.

Mr Brown said: "It's clear to me that this has been a disappointing night, indeed a bad night, for Labour. I said I was going to listen and lead. "We are in difficult economic circumstances. I think people accept that we're going through some of the most challenging times we've seen in many years. The test of leadership is not what happens in a period of success but what happens in difficult circumstances."

I bet all of Brown's enemies in the Labour party are overjoyed this morning, that this slobby wretch of a man is suffering such humiliation. Me? I just want Brown and all other politicians out of my life. I don't want to know who they are. I don't want to know what their plans are for my life. And I don't want them living off my back or telling me what to do. I just want all of them to disappear. So although I'll admit that there is a little unnecessary joy in my heart at the utter demise of Brown, it is tempered by the knowledge that the rest of them are no better.

If the result were repeated in a general election, the swing would potentially unseat seven Cabinet ministers including Ed Balls, the Schools Secretary, Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, and James Purnell, the Work and Pensions Secretary.

Oy Vey, so now there's a lot of joy in my heart. Especially if that [words deleted] Ed Balls gets a good drubbing at the next election. My only problem is that I want all of them to lose their seats, whether Tory, Labour, Liberal, or whatever. I would like a solid majority of MPs to be "none of the above". I would even volunteer to lead them in Parliament. My first act would be to burn the 100 volumes of British law, which currently reside on the statute book. My second act would be to burn the 6 volumes of British tax regulation currently foisted upon the rest of us by the Treasury. My third and final wish fulfillment act would be to sack myself. This would be a truly glorious day.

Ministers admitted that Labour had been trounced and needed to "listen more" to people's concerns over the economic turmoil.

Oh, pur...lease. The writing has been on the wall for at least two years, and yet they have still had the arrogance to push through one bad law after another, with every Labour MP signing up to the platform. Now that their salaries, pensions, expenses, and graft are now explicity burning on the line, they finally wake up! C'est Incredible!

The decision to abolish the 10p rate of income tax was blamed for much of the reaction against Labour. Mr Brown is now under intense pressure to try to relaunch his faltering government amid allegations that he is out of touch with the concerns of ordinary people.

This just shows you how much power corrupts. All Labour MPs, I'm sure, start out with the noblest of motives, including Gordon Brown, to "help" the poor. Yes, the answer to really help the poor is to adopt the economic policies of Ludwig von Mises rather than those of Karl Marx, but at least their hearts kick off in the right places. And then 20 years later they find themselves formulating and executing policies deliberately designed to hurt the poorest in society - Que? In many ways it is a tragedy that these people go so wrong in their lives as to end up like this. But not as much of a tragedy as it is for the rest us, of course.

He is expected to unveil detailed policies this month, including plans to help first-time buyers and people who face having their homes repossessed.

Oh God, will the idiocy never end? It is because of such past policies that we are in such a mess. Does nobody in the Labour party have the slightest idea of how economics works?

There will also be significant constitutional changes. Downing Street aides have indicated that they may rethink proposals to sharply increase car tax.

The plan to charge people £500 pounds a year to drive around cars suddenly worth £300 pounds because of these unannounced tax charges, thus preventing them from being able to afford lower-taxed cars, has a certain slight logical flaw in it, don't you think? And the people thus afflicted may not think any of this is a good idea. Is any of this rocket science, guys? You can imagine the conversation in Downing Street: "Damn, the peasants are revolting. They've spotted us fleecing them for no good reason!" However, what's worst about this is the sheer unprincipled nature of it. Either it is good to tax people heavily to use cars because this prevents "global warming" or it is bad to tax them because "global warming" doesn't exist. But to swing between the two policies purely on the expediency of short-term political gain is simply nauseous.

Mr Balls, one of Mr Brown’s closest colleagues, said: "Voters have been cross with us."

D'ya think?

"They think their tax bills are going up, their fuel bills are going up, their food bills are going up. They need to know we are on their side. We have to do more to show we are delivering for families."

Dear Jesus, "think" their tax bills are going up, "think" their fuel and food bills are going up? Mr Balls is obviously living in a different Universe to the rest of us. On our side? No, Mr Balls. At our side, helping yourselves to our exposed wallets. Delivering to families? Surely you mean, delivering the pelf stolen from families into the hands of our clients.

Ian Gibson, a Labour backbencher, set Mr Brown a deadline of this September’s party conference to show that he was the right man to lead Labour into the next election.
He said: "I will give him six months. That takes us up to the autumn conference. If we think that we could lose the next election and we are not moving forward then a lot of people will get rather angry.

As discussed earlier, Cameron must be praying seventeen times a day that Brown makes it past the next Labour party conference. I think it should be all over by then, with Milliband getting the leadership just before Christmas. However, you never know with politics, what with all those snakes in the bag. You just never know which one which will possess the most virulent venom. Well, you do actually - it's Ken Livingbone! He will return. Unless he's caught in mistaken Ugandan discussions with one of his inumerable children.

"If Brown’s the man to do it then he’s got to give us the right policies. Leaders have to listen to the people below them. It is no use trying to make excuses."

Oh please, just stop with the policies. We have 100 volumes of law. Do you really think we need any more? Expect some swingeing attacks on those of us with any money left. In times of crisis the tribal Labour party will almost certainly revert to type.

However, despite many Labour MPs privately admitting that they face general election defeat, there appears little prospect of a serious leadership challenge to Mr Brown. Complicated electoral rules and the lack of a heavyweight challenger make a contest unlikely.

Don't make me laugh. The Tory backbenchers scuttled the Blessed Margaret when they imagined their MP-related directorships going down the pan. When a Labour MP wakes up tomorrow and pictures his life back lecturing in the polytechnic, I think we'll then see a horde of such people capable of removing even the redoubtable Gordon Brown. My money is on Milliband by Crimbo.

The results surprised even the most optimistic Tories. They won control of key target councils in the North, including Bury and North Tyneside.

The Labour party will be back in the north once the host in the south is back on its knees. What we really need is secession. First we let Scotland go free, then Wales, and then the North of England. Let's call this new English country by its old name, "The Danelaw". Within ten years I predict it would be one of the wealthiest countries on Earth, once they are off the morally disastorous pipe of "Angleland" welfare which the Labour party destroyed them with.

Mr Cameron said "the Conservative Party is back in Wales" after advances in the Vale of Glamorgan, Monmouth and Cardiff.

Let's just hope he doesn't appoint John Redwood again as the governor.

The Tories also seized control of Southampton. The last time they controlled the city was in 1984. But they still do not have a significant presence in many northern cities including Liverpool, Manchester, Sheffield and Newcastle.

The welfare pipe was first aimed at all four of these cities, when it was constructed back in the early part of the 20th century, hence why they still can't bring themselves to shake off the socialist habit. Only secession and the cutting of this pipe will enable these four great cities to regain their former glory, which they achieved before the emergence of the Labour party.

Labour announced on Friday morning that it had lost Reading, its last council in the South outside London. However, it retained some ground later by winning Slough.

They can keep it.