Saturday, April 26, 2008

Dead man walking past

Anyone who has followed British politics over the last week will know that Gordon Brown (seen in the far left background of the picture above) is a dead man walking. I may even relent from pouring buckets of offal over his head for a few days, because he is such an embarrassing laughing stock. Which does of course mean that we need to start taking a closer look at the man in the right-of-centre foreground.

It's bad enough that I occasionally find myself cycling beside David Cameron on Constitution Hill or bumping into the back of his bike at the cycle lights on Hyde Park Corner. However, for Her Majesty's leader of the opposition to start stealing my train seat at the blessed Paddington station really has become too much; I may have to return to Waterloo unless he relents from this further infringement of my deep-seated wish to be left alone by politicians.

So David, if you are going to keep nicking my seat, we need to start asking you a few questions. Let's start with an easy pair of related no-brainers: How many parasites are you going to sack on day one of your premiership and how much of the resulting saved cash can I then look forward to receiving as a massive tax cut in an ongoing rolling program of further massive tax cuts?

The answers should of course be "lots" and "lots". Alas, I fear his actual answers would be more along the lines of "we'll see" and "it's more difficult than that". Which will once again prove that the end of Gordon Brown is not what we need; this will simply be the political circus spinning around once more to fool the gullible proles into believing that democratic elections actually change anything.

What we really need is the removal of all politicians, including Mr Cameron. So David, I know you eschew the wearing of a cycle helmet but think ye not that this will remove you from the protection racket frame of AngloAustrian taxation blame. Unless and until the envious and ignorant Labour Party replace Gordon Brown with that honey-tongued wretch David Milliband, you will now enjoy the dubious distinction of moving into our number one public enemy slot. Enjoy.

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