Well, Emirates airline take me home, on the 3:10am flight out of Dubai Airport.
I've been locked in the Jumeirah Emirates Towers hotel for two weeks now and I think a state psychiatrist could now officially sanction me as completely mad.
Heaven knows how people cope in socialist jail cages, for years on end, for victimless non-crimes, if I'm starting to lose my mind after two weeks in a luxury hotel, with eight restaurants, a thirty metre pool, and the most helpful hotel staff I've ever met?
It really is time to be going home.
Though I shall be shutting my eyes to the grim-faced passport checkers from Slough, at Heathrow Terminal Three, and ignoring all Daily Mail headlines of societal collapse caused by that idiot Gordon Brown, to try to regain my sanity, once my feet are back on the ground in the sceptred isle.
Though fortunately, my exit strategy for escaping this sceptred isle, when the Great Depression finally hits, is a step further forward. A few more heaves, and the escape rope will be in place.
And so, before my car to the airport arrives, one last soiree down to 'The Noodle Bar', for a last portion of Thai Green Curry...