Sven for the Liberals

So I journey to the shores of a foreign land to carry out the immoral task of earning a living, confident that it couldn't really get any worse for the British liberals. As my ship of trade enters a far distant far port I get finger-printed by a black-shirted moron who wouldn't know a real terrorist from a Creme Brulée and I get sniffed by a black-jacketed dog in case I'm bearing the vicious remnants of a cheese and pickle sandwich; so what happens while I'm being thus assaulted by the tax-paid dullards of the US police state?

Back home in Blighty the Curse of St Jack strikes again!

No sooner is one liberal-leader-wannabe caught with his cotton shirtails drifting in the breeze when he was supposed to be out fishing with the boys, than another is left explaining why he lied repeatedly about where he left his silken cravats, his pantaloons, and his underpants.

But I want the curse of St. Jack to stop. I don't think I can stand any more. Yes, it's our job here on AngloAustria to continuously point out the rank hypocrisy, lies, and immorality of all politicians, but enough is enough.

The thoughts of Sir Ming alone in a bed with a stuffed Aardvark or Chris Huhne alone in a bedsit with a bowl of oranges and amyl nitrate poppers, are just too much to bear. So please chaps, for the sake of my sanity, could you please just both drop out of the race and leave the field wide open for the none of the above candidate?

It would be a first. A race with no racers, a competition with no competitors, and a day of glory for the British liberal tradition. Just think of it; when given a clear opportunity to step forward, so as to try to lord it over the rest of us, every single liberal in the country spurned this fools' hope chance.

Becoming a political leader would then have the entered the realms of the England football manager's position; an arsenic chalice filled with hemlock and snake venom for anyone of England born.

And then we could also fill Sven-Goran Eriksson's looming career slot. Sven has all of the right credentials. He enjoys the trappings of luxury, he enjoys spinning webs of deceit, and he is always reliably impassive in the face of humiliating defeat; the perfect liberal leader. Add to that the social democratic philosophy and tradition of Sweden and I just don't know what the liberals are waiting for?

I know he also prefers the company of beautiful young women to the company of beautiful young men, but hey, we can't always have everything in life now, can we?