The Rise of the Chocolate Orange Inspectors

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Oh dearie, dearie, dearie me. What did those blue rinse troopers do when they elected David 'Shiny Hair, Shiny Teeth' Cameron? Whatever it was, I hope they realized what they were letting themselves in for. Because they have now created a new Marxoid Monster in the form of the new leader of the Stupid Party.

I was worried just before Christmas, when the once sound Oliver Letwin decided to take up Leninism by sounding off on the merits of stealing from me to give to himself and his friends; apparently this is good for me. But now I need worry no longer, because the full social democrat program of Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels has come to pass as full party policy for the Conservatives. Yes, they are going to conserve the full left-wing program of the Labour Party. Top hole, sir. At least we now know where we now stand; like Winnie the Pooh trying to escape the forest, we're right back in the same hole we started from.

Of course, I shouldn't really be so surprised. All of this was entirely predictable, according to Hoppe. Democracy will always throw up the most eloquent sounding thieves who wish to steal from the minority haves to give to the majority have nots, and if proxy government thieves can take a healthy percentage off the top, so much the better for them.

What I suppose was an aberration, was the Hayek-influenced attempt on classical liberalism by Margaret Thatcher (God Bless Her). Yes, she made many mistakes, and got sucked into the glory of power, but she had the right instincts. However, for all her work in at least stepping in the right Austrian direction the Stupid Party is finally reverting to type. Yes, Patriarch David 'noblesse oblige' Cameron will win the next election; it's certainly his to lose. But what possible difference will it make whether Thief-Master Cameron or Thief-Master Brown wins? Yes, instead of government friends in 'uneconomic housing estates' helping themselves to my wallet, if Brown wins, it will probably be government friends in 'uneconomic farming areas', if Cameron wins. But I'm sorry; I couldn't give a flying toss about either useless subsidized group. It will still be the same hole in the same wallet. Mine.

Let's examine his defense of the historical principles of the NHS.

I've met so many miracle workers who are the real jewels of the NHS crown

Oh, please. Pass the sick bag. Taken straight from Tony Blair's Off-the-Cuff Comments You Should Learn to Love, I do actually think Cameron could be on to something here. What is a miracle, is that anything is ever done by the NHS. With its 1.5 million employees, most of them choked up on paper, I'm surprised anyone ever manages to turn on the lights in the morning. Were it not for a heavily taxed semi-market system providing endless tax infusions and streams of ideas stolen from other (more) private health systems around the world, the NHS would grind into the sand in a heartbeat; does anybody doubt that? So hats off to all those NHS workers. I too have met many of them on the frontline. How they manage to get out of bed in the morning with all of that bureaucracy pressing them down is beyond me. Most of them, unfortunately, seem to believe in the NHS, but I suppose that helps keep them going through their endless days of miserable government service surrounded by miserable complaining begrudging patients; though of course, it wouldn't surprise me if these miracle workers have a high absenteeism rate as a way of avoiding the monopolistic horror and tedious frustration of working for the government. And if you ever get talking to some of them, individually, away from passing ears, there is a small minority who think the whole thing should be privatized, which is always refreshing to hear, God bless them.

The National Health Service is an incarnation of the belief at the heart of British Society

Karl Marx himself will have failed to put this better. Because, as you know, there is such a thing as society, and it is greater than any of the individuals who make it up. In fact, all miserable exploitative individuals should be forced to work in the Gulag to ensure that the heart of their society beats with a stronger tempo. If 51% of the population want something, then so be it. If the other 49% have to pay for it, even better. Because this will encourage those 49% of lickspittle bourgeois cockroaches to toil even harder to pay their taxes.

We should not use taxpayers' money to encourage the better-off to opt out

Ahem. Who, exactly, is providing all of this taxpayers' cash in the first place? Is it government workers? Is it those on welfare? Is it those on government pensions? What? You mean that those providing all the tax are what David Cameron calls the 'better-off'? That's remarkable. And it would be a crime to let them have some of their own money back to spend as they see fit? Lenin, Stalin, and Hitler, eat your heart out.

What I find remarkable about politicians is the breathtaking arrogance with which they steal my money and then treat it as if it really is theirs, rather than the proceedings of their massively organized criminality (a.k.a. government taxation). At least proper communist socialists were always honest when they robbed those of us in the bourgeoisie. Democratic socialists, such as the Stupid Party, really do seem to believe that I, as a proud member of the bourgeoisie, owe them 50% of my earnings, simply for the privilege of being alive on the same glorious sceptred isle as their tax collectors. Actually, I think I should be made to give them 95%. I could probably survive on lettuce, hay, and water. It is after all important that our glorious leaders, such as Blair, Letwin and Cameron, have fine roast beef and imported red Burgundy wine every Sunday, at Chequers, and other assorted nomenklatura swilling houses.

They want me to promise that under the Conservatives the NHS will be transformed beyond recognition into a system based on medical insurance. I will never go down that route.

I'm sorry, isn't the blessed National Insurance system supposed to pay for the NHS? I thought that's why it got raised recently? No doubt he means private medical insurance. I keep forgetting that anything bad is automatically privately run, whereas anything good is automatically government run. Aside from the Fisk, it really is outstanding of Cameron to so paint himself into a corner in order to try to win the 1.5 million votes of NHS workers. In Hoppeian democratic terms, many boondoggle NHS projects, holding these 1.5 million votes, have been carpet-bagged into marginal seats to help the Labour Party create a future one-party state. To win democratic power, David Cameron has realized that it is essential for the Stupid Party to become social democrats to overcome this gerrymandering. But of course you don't overcome pork-barreling, boondoggling, and gerrymandering by doing more of the same; you just make it worse. Mr. Cameron, and here I'm assuming the best of him, has failed to spot the real solution.

So what is the solution then, clever Mr. Maturin? I'm glad you asked me. It is to follow Hoppe's plan and to stop believing in and to stop working for democracy. It is not actually Cameron which is the problem. It is democracy. And to learn how to fight it, it is essential to read Hoppe's master work. After reading Cameron's tub-thumping bilge about the NHS, that is exactly what is going to happen to many of his party activists. Many will just give up, as they don't believe in social democracy, and many will head to UKIP, as if that will do any good. Some could even move across to the Liberals, if as seems likely their classical liberal-lite Orange Book group take over that moribund outfit, though it will be to little avail. Classical liberal politics is dead; successful politicians, at least in our democratic age, must become social democrats if they are to win democratic power. The Tory activists who give up politics entirely will be the most effective. Welcome to the Hoppe side.

We are now at the European average of health spending. But we are not at the European average for health outcomes.

The stupidity of the man defies ordinary amazement. If you copy the health system of North Korea, the old Soviet Union, and Cuba, expect North Korean, Soviet, or Cuban results. Other health systems in Europe work better because they are more private. The more private a health system the better it works. How much more bleedin' obvious does Mr. Cameron want it? To recommend that the solution to the crisis is to strengthen the factors which caused the crisis really does make Mr. Cameron either seriously deficient in intelligence, like most socialists, or put him seriously into the territory of Machiavelli and his Prince. Cameron is obviously intelligent, so Mr. Cameron must be Tuscan in his outlook.

It is the good [NHS] managers who most resent the bureaucracy which clogs up the system

And now, for me, Cameron has reached a tipping point of doublespeak. To actually say that bureaucrats resent bureaucracy needs no analogy from me to highlight its immense dishonesty.

Real freedom for new services to be developed and offered to the NHS

Real freedom, eh? How about my real freedom to keep what is mine, look after myself and my interests, and take the consequences? Freedom, at least in my book, means 'Freedom from Government'. To increase government interference, regulation, and taxation, to help keep this sick NHS monster on life support for a few more years, just so you can strut up to 10 Downing Street microphones on a regular basis, puts David Cameron in a category of which there was previously only one member. Tony, meet David, he's going to be your new friend. And if you wreck Gordon's chances, while you're still PM, and help David in, I'm sure David will be properly appreciative and get you that nice EU job you've just put a £14 billion pound downpayment on.

As Britain faces an obesity crisis, why does W.H.Smith promote half-price Chocolate Oranges at its checkouts instead of real oranges?

Once again we have this mythic beast, Britain, which has a life beyond those of the individuals which make it up. Yes, there are some people in the inland taxpaying area of what the British State Mafia call Britain, who probably need to wear elasticated pants. But there are many in 'Britain' who are perfectly fit. Those who are in elasticated clothing are free human beings who are (presumably) capable of knowing whether they want to eat chocolate oranges or not. I'm sure that if they wanted to eat fresh fruit oranges, W.H.Smith would be offering them fresh fruit oranges. But in a free market, Mr. Cameron, something which you don't appear to believe in, if W.H.Smith believe they can make a profit by offering their customers goods that they wish to purchase, that is up to them, not something to be decided by proto-Fascist demagogues such as yourself.

Here's a thought: perhaps those who are in elasticated trousers are in this condition because they feel incapable of controlling their own lives. And why, mayhap, could they be like this? Could it be because of sixty one years of the Welfare State? It's just a thought. I won't pursue it. It's obviously taboo to go down such a track.

Yes, you could hit my wallet even harder and employ government chocolate orange inspectors at every newsagent kiosk in England, to prevent what you regard as a problem, but I'm still happy being able to make my own decisions about what I consume. One might call this freedom, which is the ability to live one's life without government interference, though you might call it laissez faire madness. Whatever you call it, Mr. Cameron, I now know what you are. Bigwig Bighead Busybodies like you are not welcome round here. Please go back to the Notting Hill hole from which you emerged. And stop subjecting me to endless emotional pictures of yourself and your son to try to establish emotional controlling bonds over me. Just go away, and go and try to rob somebody else; I hope they give you both barrels of what you deserve.

The entire NHS should be privatized immediately.