Friday, January 13, 2006

Broken Hubble

Now I'm not usually one to start conspiracy rumors, but I've been a bit serious in the last few AngloAustria posts, so maybe it's time to lighten up a bit.

I'm currently re-reading Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, and it's funny to imagine Peter Guillam and Mendel being completely secure from the eavesdropping of the state by using 1970s street callboxes; I'm sure MI6 has managed to plug this gap by now.

And it's also funny to think that the US government is going to let one of the most expensive and most powerful telescopes ever constructed, the Hubble telescope, go to complete waste in the future, too, because of a lack of NASA servicing.

Now obviously the cancellation of all future NASA servicing missions to Hubble could just be a bit of grandstanding by NASA bureaucrats to eke out a little more taxation, to supplement their meager $15 billion dollars a year.

But what if there's something else going on? Let's examine the situation. There's this IMMENSELY powerful telescope floating around close to the Earth, and it's due to go out of commission any time soon, because of a lack of servicing.

Hmmm, methinks, are the men in grey suits in Virginia just going to say shucks and move on? Or could it be tempting to authorize a black operation to turn the telescope around? They'd be able to count the hairs on the back of your hand, if they did so, wherever you were in the world; I'd certainly be tempted by rescuing Hubble if I was one of these men or one of their political chiefs. Indeed, could this have been the plan all along, which helped secure the enormous tax cost of Hubble in the first place?

I have absolutely no idea, and I'm sure there'll be all sorts of technical reasons which rule out this conspiracy theory at source, but if this web site disappears in the next three nanoseconds, you'll have your answer, and I'll be in a dark room somewhere surrounded by men in gas masks.

Alternatively, I could get a call from Hollywood asking me to work up a script. For a mere $1 million dollars I'm sure I could knock something out, perhaps with Keira Knightley as the female lead? Obviously I would insist on being present during the filming, but only for technical reasons.


Anonymous said...

What makes you think there is only ONE Hubble telescope up there?

Well that's the tinfoil hat theory I heard a few years ago; it seems entirely plausible: how would anyone know?

Jack Maturin said...

Why didn't I think of that? Damn.

Never mind the screenplay for "Broken Hubble" (starring John Travolta and Keira Knightley), how about the mini-series, "Invasion of the Lost Hubbles", starring lots of old 'Lords of the Rings' actors?

I think we could be onto something. I'll cut you in 50/50 on the story rights, $5 million each. I think it's only fair.