My Dad The Corpse Is A Welfare Bum

This morning, I discovered a great new way for Labour voters to get money off other people. For one of your elderly relatives, you arrange to collect all of their government benefits , that is, the wealth stolen from other people like me and then handed over to you if you promise to keep voting Labour, minus 15% off the top, which the bureaucrats keep for their transaction expenses in arranging this theft.

You then wait for said relative to die, but you forget to stop collecting the benefits. Apparently 3,000 elderly relatives have been receiving pelf like this, while in the unfortunate state of being dead. So if we multiply in Milton Friedman's government inefficiency factor of around three, that takes us to about 12,000. Personally, I prefer Jack Maturin's more accurate government inefficiency factor of about 10, which usually proves a more realistic measure for how corrupt and useless governments become in any situation, given a head start and a fair wind.

This means that in the glorious sceptred isle of God's own country, the United Kingdom, there are now 33,000 corpses wandering about claiming UK government handouts. Whoever even thought that the land of King Arther wasn't still literally alive with magic? The welfare state is not only good for us tax slaves while shuffling about on this mortal coil, apparently it keeps us going well into the afterlife too! Those ancient Egypticans were obviously wasting their gold building pyramids. They should've been building welfare states, instead. Marvellous.