It's bad enough when your local MP is Bonson Jorris. But when he's nationally known as Bonking Jorris Bonson, it's enough to make you want to join the local Tory Party to help bring that monkey down, or at least help him stop slapping it quite so often.
Ok, it's a great national laugh that he is what he is, and he does do a great deal to help our charities here in South Oxfordshire, but Mr Bonson, if you're reading this, would you please mind keeping Charlie in his trousers a bit more often please? As a former front five rugby man myself I understand the temptations of strong drink and loose women, but you're becoming a public disgrace.
For my sins I know the man in the local Tory Party who finally brought down Michael Heseltine, in a local Jam-and-Raffles party coup, and I know his moods. I haven't enquired how the land lies just yet, seeing as I'm now sans politics, but don't be surprised if the blue rinses who live round our way find Bonson's antics slightly less hilarious than the rest of the country. Though knowing the old trollops, they'll probably fancy him for it. Poor old Marina. What a banana.